Saturday, 26 January 2019

Warlock Patron: the Scandalous Courtier

Warlocks work with old, dark forces for power that society won't give them. Here's the third Patron spirit to petition: a 5e-ified Malamaut the Incubus by Gloomtrain. Part three in a series. Rules and overview here.

This. So much this.


Warlockry doesn't have to be squalid or mindbending. With the right Patron spirit, it's all about fun. The Scandalous Courtier is aimed fair and square at the well to do - doesn't really matter in which Estate, as long as they are up for some delicious debauchery.

You shouldn't, you know better, you'll get into so much trouble, but when was the last time you had this much fun? The Scandalous Courtier has the best gossip, knows all the right people and can get you into the most fantastic places. Will appear in a full court or a busy church to tell you a juicy tale. Weirdly anachronistic although no-one seems to notice that there's a 1700s fop parading through a 1100s court. Disappears right when you reply with a saucy joke, for you to discover that you're addressing that bore of an abbot.

Behave like either of these and you're fine.

The Courtier's gifts are priceless entertainment, glamour, lust and debauchery, his or her teachings are ways to get into and out of trouble. The price? Don't be boring.

Alternate versions: the Bulging Friar will make cloister life way more interesting. The Saucy Minstrel always has a crazy idea to lengthen the night's pleasures.


To summon: party like you have never done before without care for your good name.
Service: roll once on the Scandalous Courtier's list of tasks.
Forbiddance: must partake of every vice offered.

The Scandalous Courtier can make you question your life choices. Also in modern settings.


Forbiddance: must partake of every vice offered.

Scandalous Courtier spells

spell level
spells (choose two per spell level)
Charm Person, Hideous Laughter, Sleep
Enhance Ability, Knock, Suggestion
Blink, Major Image, Slow
Compulsion, Dimension Door, Freedom of Movement
Mislead, Passwal, Seeming

Scandalous Courtier gifts

Overbearing Presence
Starting at 1st level, the Scandalous Courtier bestows upon you the ability to project the beguiling and fearsome presence of the fey. As an action, you can cause each creature in a 10-foot cube originating from you to make a Wisdom saving throw against your warlock spell save DC. The creatures that fail their saving throws are all charmed or frightened by you (your choice) until the end of your next turn.

Once you use this feature, you can't use it again until you finish a short or long rest.

Damnedest Luck
At 6th level, you can call on the Courtier to alter fate in your favor. When you make an ability check or a saving throw, you can use this feature to add a d10 to your roll. You can do so after seeing the initial roll but before any of the roll's effects occur.

Once you use this feature, you can't use it again until you finish a short or long rest.

Winning personality
At 10th level, the Courtier teaches you how to turn the mind-affecting magic of your enemies against them. You are immune to being charmed, and when another creature attempts to charm you, you can use your reaction to attempt to turn the charm back on that creature. The creature must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw against your warlock spell save DC or be charmed by you for 1 minute or until the creature takes any damage.

Scandalous Courtier tasks
The price for the Courtier's attentions is nothing more than joining in the fun and standing up for the Courtier when their schemes catch up with them. To gain a warlock level, roll on the Major Favors chart (d20) and play along with the Courtier's game.

Confession: this entire Patron was inspired by Mateo Diaz Torres' magnificent Favors of Malamaut the Incubus over at Gloomtrain. I've copied his Favors below my own. Add your own wicked ideas in the comments!

And you should never be boring.

20 stupid stunts to do for your Patron
  1. There is a marriage forthcoming between a noble boy and young lady. Convince one or both of them to elope with someone else. Bonus points if that other person is you. Extra bonus points if it is you for both of them.
  2. You know what that merchant's face needs? Some character. No, not a beard. A tattoo perhaps, something meaningful like "death to the nobility".
  3. The baron is so very, very proud of his new charger. Take the old thing for a spin. Then dedicate it to me with a nice brand and return it.
  4. The sherriff's band has no sense of fun. Treat them to a night of alcohol, gambling, dancing and drugs. Bonus points if you manage to get them addicted. Extra bonus points for addiction to extremely hard to find drugs.
  5. The cloister of St. Vivione has a beautiful sculpture of the saint. Here's a salve of stone-to-flesh...I dare you to sneak in there and take her out for a night on the town. Bonus points for getting her in a compromising position before she turns to stone again.
  6. We need to talk money. Serious money for have serious party. Get me 3d6 x 100 gp worth of jewels, gems, platinum coins - stuff I can easily smuggle around, no bulky gold coins.
  7. Let's get wild! Arrange for 3d12 of lively fellows (of either gender) and bring at least one cask of wine and pouch of love drugs for every one of them. Of course you're not drinking in some boring hovel. Find the most splendid place (church, merchant's house, guild hall, mansion, ...) you can think of and turn it into a den of degradation.
  8. The alchemists are doing some stupid ritual with a dead guy and a unicorn and some virgin chick. It's just...I don't know man, it just seems so dull, trying to alchemic the dead back to life. Spice things up by tampering with the babe, the ingredients, the unicorn. Bonus points if you can frame the Church in some way.
  9. You know the Abbot's prize goat? Make sure everyone sees how much he loves the goat. Bonus points for making him do it while sober.
  10. The local tavern is serving the weak shit, isn't it? Swap their stores with prime booze. Get the whole town drunk right before the Solemn Procession of St. Olmado.
  11. There's a rare scroll hidden in a beautiful triptych in the Cathedral. Get it and hide it in the spellbook of the Dean of the Unbroken Circle wizards. He's made a boast that all his magics are sanctified by the Authority - won't the Archbishop be surprised at finding (d4) 1 dominate monster, 2 plane shift, 3 gate, 4 feeblemind?
  12. In the forest is a nymph with a wonderful collection of suitors. But their little family play is just so boring - spice things up by sparking a nice feud between the death knight and the poet.
  13. There's a tax collector coming. Not that kind - this one is paid in souls. Find 3d6 people to willingly sell their soul. You get the paperwork done, I'll be over there with the feisty nymph.
  14. There's a bard of the Church in town to lead the celebrations for the King's birthday. Pious snorefest ahoy - upstage him at every turn and drive him out of town.
  15. I've heard that the Duke's Herald has a way with the ladies - something to do with a silver box and a strange powder inside it. I have to sample this. You know what to do!
  16. In the forest is a standing stone, from under the stone wells a stream, the stream joins a rushing river, in the middle of the river is a rock island, on top of the rock is a tower, in the tower is a  Magpieling lady guarding a beautiful gem. Get it for me.
  17. I haven't visited the bathhouse at Boswitch since the fat wizard with the binding circles started coming there. He's celebrating his birthday soon - end the fucker for me, or better yet: drive him off in shame!
  18. My older brother and sister take everything so seriously and their servants aren't allowed any fun. One of them is doing a chore right now - foil it and take them out partying! (A warlock of [your level +/- 1] is pursuing an Emerald Saint or Hungry Crone task; foil their quest, get them wasted and in love.)
  19. Time to see the world! Take these boots - they look grotty, and there's only a few pearls of power left on them, but they'll do. Stamp your foot to go somewhere miraculous! Do bring me back a spectacular gift, total value at least [level] x 100 gold.
    (2d6, where 4+ may or not be of this world: )
    2 - Reliquary of False Saints of the Order of St. Kurelda;
    3 - the Caliph's Harem;
    4 - the Silent City Of The Sleeping King on the Dark Side of the Moon;
    5 - a hanging merchant's pagoda in the floating city of Zyan;
    6 - in the Wicked City: a Cobweb walkway, a Ruby Murder Harlot opium den, the Great Bazaar;
    7 - (d6) 1 Sharn the City of Towers; 2-4 Sigil the City of Doors; 5-6 Skullport in the Realms;
    8 - the Yellow City in Yoon-Suin;
    9 - Lankhmar, the Silver Eel tavern;
    10 - the crawling corpse cities of Kel Dravonis and Kel Bethor;
    11 - Salzinwoon, the city-butchery of the Tarrasque;
    12 - Nibenay on Dark Sun.
  20. CONGA! Roll three times on this table and do all of them, doubles means you either reroll or try to do the stunt twice as hard. So if you're getting some stuck up merchant tattood, make it a truly memorable one or get a lively tattoo for yourself as well.

Gloomtrain's original 20
  1. It has come to my attention that a merchant caravan passing nearby is carrying a bottle of Quietus, that most potent and poisonous of aphrodisiacs. Fetch it for me.
  2. An old lover of mine has been condemned to death, and I want to watch. The execution is in [2d20] days in [the nearest town], so do hurry. I always said I’d see him hang, and now I don’t have to do it myself.
  3. An old lover of mine has been sentenced to a most dreadful prison, and I want you to release her. She never did suffer prettily, and I still owe her a favor.
  4. Best beloved, one of those wretched hellhounds is getting awfully close to sniffing me out. Dispose of it, will you?
  5. I think it’s time you got me a proper present, dearest. I could have such fun with a wizard's staff - there’s a hedge mage skulking around nearby.
  6. Oh dear. I’m fresh out of blood. Could you collect, say, [d100 hp] worth? Nothing too old, of course. (A bottle or wineskin can hold 10 hp worth of blood. Blood goes bad after a day unless it is refrigerated or hermetically sealed)
  7. Dearest, you caught me in the middle of an engagement. Treat me to a fine meal [2d100 gp per diner, d6 hour-long courses], or I will be most put out.
  8. The mayor in (the nearest village) has been treating his lover most viciously, and it is beginning to vex me. Put him out of my misery.
  9. I am in need of a pet. Capture [a monster or magical creature] alive, and I shall come to retrieve it once we’re all safe and sound.
  10. A most boring constable is trying to shut down a brothel in (nearest large city). Convince him otherwise, won’t you?
  11. What luck you called! I’m planning a party in [nearest large city], and I need a bit of cash to get it started (costs a number of silver pieces equal to 25% of the xp needed to reach next level)
  12. I’m in a bit of a bind—some fairy noble caught me in her bed with a lady-in-waiting, and now she’s sent a champion to challenge me to a duel. You‘ll stand in for me, right? They’ll get here in [d6] hours.
  13. Oh, it’s so romantic! There’s this eloping couple traveling nearby, and they’ll be eaten by wolves any day now. Go help them, will you?
  14. Some bore of a priest is burning books in [nearest village]. Go stop him—they always burn the ones with the exciting pictures.
  15. I can’t be seen with anyone dressed like that! Go find some half-decent clothes. (Must spend 5d100 gp on fashionable equipment—engraved grappling hooks, filigreed armor, lace handkerchiefs for cleaning swords, etc)
  16. You know, I’ve just had an idea. Fetch me a length of silk rope, a brazier, a small horse, a block and tackle, some lard, a bag of ball bearings, and some open-minded young people with a strong sense of adventure.
  17. I’ve been trying my hand at some poetry and am in need of a muse. Find someone fetching for me. (Acquire the services of a hireling with a Charisma modifier of at least +1 for at least a month)
  18. All this adventuring has left me fatigued. Take me someplace nice, darling (a night in the most expensive hotel or inn in the nearest large city.)
  19. They’re circulating the most interesting pictures of (the region’s most notable noble couple) in [the nearest large city], but I hear the constabulary has begun to confiscate them. I simply must have one of these engravings.
  20. It’s been so long since I’ve been courted. Take me out on a night on the town. (Spend a full 24 hours and 10d10 gp; roll on a carousing table if you’ve got one)

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