GLOG class: Really Lazy Cat

After the Really Good Dog and Really Vicious Goose, I give you the Really Lazy Cat. Like a bard, it's generally useless but good for morale and minor healing, with a couple of surprise attacks and mental powers thrown in.

CLASS: REALLY LAZY CAT

Starting Equipment: Evil Overlord Mentality, Sharp Bits, Fluffy Coat, Fussy Eater
Starting Skill: d4 1= Rat Catcher, 2= Dog Tamer, 3= Alley Cat, 4= Noble Animal

Generally too lazy to run your own evil empire, you have servants to take care of trivia for you. Such as planning and actual work. Your claws and bite deal damage as daggers to people who want to pet you. You have a shiny coat for people to pet, and a viciously annoying mewl to use when someone serves you Wrong Food.


Cat templates
A: Cat, Servants, Tripping Headbutt
B: Stowaway, Hissy Fit, +1 Attack
C: Mad Rake Attack, Venus Hand Trap
D: Dead Eye OR Fluffy Horde, +1 Attack


Cat:
You can't manipulate things with your hands, because you're a cat. You can't talk, because you're a cat. You understand all spoken language perfectly but you generally can't be arsed to convey useful information to your Servants, because YOU'RE A GODDAMNED CAT. You speak Cat fluently.

You can do anything a cat can - climb trees, ladders or stairs but not a rope; carry something light and dead in your mouth; hide in the underbrush even under observation; sleep for hours then groom yourself and go on sleeping on your other side.

Your awesome reflexes and small size give you +4 armor class. Your movement is 15 in a short sprint (12 for an ordinary human) but 10 for longer distances. (Have a Servant carry you.) You have half the inventory slots as usual and don't start with any equipment.

Sure you can multiclass. Rogue is obvious. Here's a cat wizard instead.

Servants:
You can adopt a random monkey or a small pack of them. Yes, fine, "hoo-mon" or "elf" or whatever. They are now responsible for your wellbeing: Proper Food, scratchies, a dry place to sleep. As long as Servants take care of you, their house/camp/ship will remain blessedly free of vermin (although they'll find the occasional hairball and all their gear will be covered with cat hairs). Your soothing presence allows Servants and yourself to heal +1 hit point per Cat Template every short or long rest.


Tripping Headbutt:
Non-cats are klutzes. Take advantage of this by headbutting them at an opportune moment so they trip over their own feet. Roll a Dexterity attack against an opponent; if you hit, they make a Dexterity save or either trip or drop a precious item.

Cats of Ulthar - Abigail Larson on ArtStation

Stowaway:
You are forever getting into places the monkeys don't want you to be. Once per session, you may declare that you've been napping in some hideaway like a backpack, under a blanket or in the bushes - as long as there was a plausible way for you to walk to that place, that's where you are now. Deal with the consequences of invading the queen's boudoir once you're discovered.


Hissy Fit:
Having come to the conclusion that non-cats rarely know their place, you've adopted ancient techniques to scare the fear of cat into them. Roll under your charisma to throw a proper hissy fit; creatures with hit dice equal to or lower than your cat templates need to roll a Wisdom save or be too afraid to approach within 10 feet. This lasts while you keep up the display, maximum 1 turn.

Inner monologue. ArtStation, by Massimo Righi

Mad Rake Attack:
You can now make two claw attacks every Attack you make. If you haven't moved yet and both claws hit, you can rake with your back claws for one extra claw attack. This costs you your movement for the round.


Venus Hand Trap:
By rolling on the floor and exposing your delicious fluffy belly, you tempt foolish monkeys to come closer if you make a Charisma roll. Either allow them to pet you for a number of rounds equal to your Charisma bonus, or launch into a Mad Rake Attack.

Dead Eye:
It has occured to you that a lot of the monkeys that generally stop to pet you and jabber are not, strictly speaking, alive. You can now see ghosts, spirits, faeries and other supernatural entities even when they're hiding under cloak of invisibility, and your attacks affect them normally. Once per day, you can enter the spirit world at will for (charisma bonus) rounds. That's how kitty got inside the locked vault.


Fluffy Horde:
Your vast multitude of casual lovers and offspring have moved in with you. You now move at the centre of a cat swarm 10 feet on a side (with many, many strays out to 30 feet). Consume thrice as many rations. Gain extra hit points equal to your max hit points and make an extra Attack every round. If you lose all your extra hit points, many cats have been driven off and a short/long rest can only restore the extra hit points up to 4 lower than previously. If this reduces your extra hitpoints to 0, you may instead gain Dead Eye (or start a siring spree to rebuild your horde in d6 months.)